Kept by the Zandian: Zandian Brides Book 5 Page 16

  My eyes well up as I stare at him, willing it to be a mistake. A misunderstanding.

  But his glance slides away, and in that second, I know it’s true. He knows what I’m angry about, and he knows it’s bad. Worse than bad.

  “About my probation.” I put the words out there and they sit between us, a mountain, dividing us. All the tenderness from last night was a lie, clearly, built on this unstable foundation.

  He clears his throat. “Well, I can explain what I was…” He breaks off. “It’s complicated.” His voice rises. “I had the responsibility to—”

  “To treat me fairly.” My voice rises more than his until I’m practically shouting. “To tell me and King Zander honestly whether or not I was fit for this planet. And all along”—I suck in a breath of air—“you were leading me on? Just, what? Enjoying my body while you toyed with my emotions?”

  “No!” He bellows it, then tempers his tone. “It was not like that, believe me, Taisha. At first I, yes, I wasn’t sure you were trustworthy. But over time, as I got to know you, it was”—he swallows—“it was evident that—”

  “Was it some great joke?” My voice is breaking now and I barely get the words out. “Were you laughing at me with your friends, at how gullible I was? Watching me bend over backwards to prove my worth and still not allowing me access to”—I wave my hand—“peace of mind? After all I’d been through? How could you?”

  His expression turns tortured. “It was a mistake. I didn’t realize how difficult the waiting was for you, emotionally. Not at first. It’s only recently that I understand how human emotions work. And”—his jaw clenches—“my own.”

  “Your emotions?” I shake my head, rubbing moisture from my eyes.

  “Because of you—” he starts, a hitch in his voice.

  “Because of you,” I retort, not allowing him to finish, “I had to wait extra time, worrying about whether or not I would qualify for life here.” I stare at him accusingly. “Even after what I did on Fonquin. And with the serum. And with Marshan. Even after all of that, you let me go on thinking it wasn’t yet enough. Because of you, I allowed myself to think things… do things…” I shake my head, unable to even put my thoughts into words. What comes out next surprises even me. “I hate you.”

  There is silence. Drayk’s expression is stunned.

  I can’t bear my mixture of emotions. I turn to Lamira. “Is there somewhere else I can live?” My voice trembles. “Until I earn my own keep—a place I can stay?”

  She nods, face somber. “Yes. There is a dorm building for unmated humans, and it’s quite comfortable. Of course we can find you a chamber there. But please, if you give Drayk a chance to explain—”

  I shake my head. “He’s had three lunar cycles to explain. Time’s run out.”

  I glare at Drake. “Please leave. I don’t want to see your face ever again. Or hear your lying voice.” I turn to Lamira. “He’s not worth my time. I respectfully request asylum, my queen.”

  Drayk makes a sound, but then turns on his heel and leaves without another word.

  Lamira puts her arms around me to soothe, patting my back, but after my explosive jag of crying, my eyes are now dry. It’s my heart inside that has cracked open, spilling out all of my hopes and emotions.

  Chapter 19

  Drayk

  I don’t know how I make it back to my domicile. I see nothing on the way. I don’t even recall the trip. But the moment I press my palm on the door sensor and enter, my world splinters into a million pieces.

  My place feels so empty. So wrong.

  Taisha’s gone.

  I knew this planet rotation would come, and yet I’m wholly unprepared for it.

  This is what you wanted, I tell myself. How you planned it.

  And it’s partly true. I intended to give her up after the three lunar cycles were over. I knew I could never mate her.

  And yet I never meant to hurt her.

  And stars, I have.

  That alone makes me want to gouge my own eyes out with an eating utensil.

  But even if she’d never found out what I did—that I advised against her asylum and asked for her to be placed with me on probation—even if all had gone according to my plan, it was wrong.

  My plan vecking reeked.

  Giving up Taisha was a mistake. An idiotic mistake. Believing my career was more important than her?

  Stupid.

  Believing the emotions she evoked in me were anything but a gift?

  Asinine.

  But it’s too late now.

  I’ve hurt her and she won’t forgive me.

  She said she hated me.

  My chest constricts so tightly I can barely breathe.

  She hates me.

  Veck, this hurts.

  I wish I’d never discovered emotion.

  No, that’s a lie.

  I don’t regret a single moment I spent with her.

  The only thing I regret is vecking it up.

  * * *

  Taisha

  Leylah would tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Things could be so much worse.

  Why, then, does it feel like my heart’s been ripped out of my rib cage and beaten with a shovel?

  I curl up on my cot in the dormitory and face the wall, tears dripping sideways down my face.

  This is it. My new existence. I’m free. No longer a slave. Lamira assures me my asylum will be granted. And yet I can’t even breathe through the crushing weight on my chest.

  The loss of my best friend on the planet.

  My lover.

  My master.

  I called him that. He made me grovel. Made rules for me and punished me. All to satisfy some sick desire of his to keep me without mating me.

  To use me and throw me out.

  More hot tears course down my nose, across my temple, dripping into my ear.

  I want to churn my anger around and around, but I keep tripping up.

  I keep remembering the tenderness.

  The panic on his face after the explosion. The way he held me tight to his chest. Made love to me.

  But no—I can’t keep hoping he’ll change his mind and mate me. He had his chance.

  He blew it.

  It’s over now.

  I’ll go on. Somehow, I’ll move on without him.

  It’s definitely for the best.

  Chapter 20

  Taisha

  Three planet rotations and I still don’t feel like leaving the dormitory.

  I’m finally free, on a planet where humans are valued, and where my life has meaning. I’m no longer a slave, not to any being. I should be full of gratitude and plans for the future.

  Why do I feel so empty?

  I stare out my window of the dorm, not seeing the lush yellow trees swaying in the breeze, because all I see is his face.

  Drayk.

  And how it fell apart when I said I hated him.

  My stomach recoils and I wince. Truth be told, I don’t hate him. After all this, I believe Leylah was wrong. Loving another being doesn’t make you a slave—it sets you free. The way I felt with Drayk—the closeness we shared—those were the best moments of my life.

  Oh, I hate what he did. How he let me think for all that time that I was still under evaluation. I hate that things weren’t simple.

  But my heart won’t stop caring for him, despite his actions.

  Mirelle shows up at my door to try to coax me out, but I’m still not ready. She drapes a shawl over my shoulders. “You should eat.” She has a container of fruit in her hand. She’s helped me settle into the dorm, bringing me some things from her own domicile to make it cheerier.

  But I’m anything but happy.

  I shake my head. “I’m not hungry. The idea of food makes me ill.”

  She nods and places the box on a low table. “How can I help, then?”

  “You can’t.” I rethink it. “You already are, just by caring. By being here with me. I am grateful for your friendship.”
>
  She smiles briefly but then sighs. “I’m worried about you.”

  “I’ll be fine.” The words ring hollow, but underneath it is a truth. I will, in essence, be safe. I’m here on Zandia, after all, a free human, allowed to live and mate.

  Too bad the only Zandian I care about betrayed me and pushed me to say such cruel things. If only there were a way to let him know I overreacted. That I didn’t mean those things. That I still do care.

  But he walked away. He left me. The relationship is beyond saving.

  So—fine I may be, but I have no joy. Not now. Maybe not ever.

  “Maybe I was too hard on him.” I whisper the words that have troubled me from the second they burst forth from my lips. “I never even gave him a chance.”

  “You were hurt. Angry.”

  “Yes. Very.” I nod, vehemently. Then my voice cracks. “But I miss him so much. I do not think he is a bad being. He made mistakes.”

  “Which you said you’d never forgive, as long as you live.”

  “Don’t remind me.” I want to vomit. She doesn’t need to bring it up, because the words live in my head. I hear myself shouting them, over and over. “And now he probably hates me in return. I was so unkind to him.”

  “Oh, Taisha.” Mirelle hugs me, and I let her. “It’s not easy.”

  “No. It’s not.” I’m not sure if she means my life specifically, or all humans, or all beings who exist anywhere; it doesn’t matter—they’re all difficult.

  “But I’m sure he still—” she breaks off as her comm flashes. “Uh oh. That’s the emergency signal.”

  “The what?” Usually when her comm flashes, it’s important. But even when she’s been summoned to leave for a mission, she’s never reacted with this level of urgency. A spire of anxiety grows in my belly.

  “I need to take this.” She jumps to her feet and touches her ear. “Master Seke? Yes. Yes, she’s here with me now. They said what? Oh, Mother Earth.” Her face grows pale and she looks at me, eyes widening. “I understand.”

  She can’t stop staring at me.

  I stand up and put my hand over my mouth, then squeeze my palms together. “What is it?”

  She doesn’t answer. Just keeps looking at me, and her eyes well up with tears. “Yes, Master. I will be right there. And I will… bring her.”

  She taps her comm and blinks hard. “Taisha… I don’t know how to say this.” She clears her throat. Takes my hand. “But it’s Master Seke. The Ocretions? They know you’re here. They’re demanding we give you back.”

  * * *

  Drayk

  “Veck, veck, veck.” I punch the wall of my domicile hard enough to crack the smooth viridian stone. The pain in my flesh is a welcome distraction from the way my heart is tearing apart.

  I reach out to attack the structure once more, then sink onto the hoverdisk. It still smells of her—Taisha. I growl and grab the soft blanket, twisting it in my fists.

  “It was stupid to deny our bond.”

  No one replies as I am alone. But the answer comes to me anyway. “I’m the stupid one.” I mutter it aloud.

  It burns me to admit such a thing. A fighter, a soldier, a judicial expert… and an idiot.

  Yes, that’s what I am.

  I just wanted… I wanted to have it both ways: To be seen as impartial, to keep myself apart, isolated. To stay away from the emotions that I always thought would weaken me. And at the same time, to enjoy the body and spirit of the amazing human, Taisha. To allow myself the pleasures of bonding with another being. To use those very emotions I feared to make my life richer.

  And now I’ve vecked up both things. Surely King Zander sees that I’m no match for the judicial system. And Taisha? Well, she said everything she needed to.

  The hurt in her eyes, the way she looked at me? I’d do anything to turn back time. Change the way I handled everything.

  The door alert chimes and Tarak steps in, making his way to me without hesitation. He clears his throat. “Something serious has happened, and you need to know.”

  “Know what?” I glance at him and his expression gives me pause. “Tarak?” When he is still silent, I demand, “Speak!”

  He crosses his arms. “There is surveillance video from the planet Fonquin. The Ocretions have discovered that Taisha escaped Romon-3 and was engaged in a mission. They have demanded her return and are threatening aggressions if we do not comply, and also demanding a bounty as apology.”

  I jump to my feet and roar. “No!”

  He raises his hands. “The king has called his council. But it is a diplomatic nightmare, and one that needs to be addressed immediately. He’s sent for Taisha and you are required…” He breaks off, as I’m already grabbing my satchel and touching the door console.

  “Hurry,” I snap.” There is no time to waste. We must speak to the king.”

  There is no way I will let them send Taisha back. Stars, I’ll fight them all myself if I need to, but there is no way I’m sending that precious human back to the monsters she’s worked so hard to defeat.

  * * *

  Drayk

  I rush into the packed council room in the palace. Zander sits at the head of the long oval table. A giant Zandian crystal adorns the center of the table, casting rainbows around the room. The group of advisors and top warriors are already in their seats. There is such a hum of energy in the room that it feels as if lightning crackles along my spine.

  Taisha stands against the wall of windows, Mirelle at her side. I want to run to her, drop to my knees and remedy this horrible gulf between us. But now is not the time. None of that matters if she’s sent back to her slave owner.

  “We have an urgent situation.” King Zander’s voice rings out across the chamber. “The Ocretions demand the return of their former slave, Taisha, along with a bounty of crystals and stein. They discovered that she escaped when holo of her surfaced from the mission on Fonquin. If we do not comply within two planet rotations, they will take next steps.”

  “What steps?” Dr. Daneth asks. His mate sits beside him, pale.

  “They have not made it clear. They are playing coy. But they indicated that it will involve both military and diplomatic maneuvers. Possibly everything short of a planetary attack,” Master Seke responds.

  “Should we give her back?” A younger, unmated warrior speaks up from where he stands in the corner. “Appease them. Then they will leave us alone, yes?”

  Zander frowns at him. “You speak out of turn. Remove yourself from this council room.”

  He’s lucky Zander threw him out, because I was about to tear his tongue out with my bare hands.

  “Forgive me, my lord.” I cannot stop myself from speaking out of turn as well. I don’t care what ramifications it has on my career. Still, I try to sound as level-headed and unemotional as I can. “It seems to me any concessions will be seen as a sign of utter weakness and forced capitulation.” I flick a glance around the table.

  It’s Zander’s top advisors who matter most. Erick, his ambassador and political advisor, Dr. Daneth, Master Seke, Lium his engineer. The older males who counseled his father. The ones who raised him to be king after Zandia was invaded. The ones who led him to take back our planet.

  “Giving her back may mollify them short term,” Master Erick speaks.

  I want to smash his face in, even though I know he’s reasoning through the situation.

  “But if we continue bringing humans onto our planet, this will happen again and again.”

  I clench my fists at my side, forcing myself to draw in a slow breath. “If we comply with their demands, they will look to Zandia for every missing human in the galaxy. They may demand the barcodes on every human here. We have over one hundred beings who were meant to be exterminated on one of their death ships. If they find out we freed them, it could begin a war,” I say, referring to the rescue of Lamira’s sister, Lily, which resulted in the human army that fought by our side for Zandia.

  “Your advice is hardly unbias
ed in this situation, Captain Drayk,” Lium says drily.

  I force my fists to unclench. “I do not deny that I wish to claim Taisha as my mate.”

  For the first time since I came in, she meets my eyes. Her gaze is wary. Wounded.

  It guts me.

  I hold her gaze as I continue to speak. “I made a terrible mistake in not petitioning for her immediately. A mistake I hope to rectify.” I swallow against the tight band in my throat. “So I don’t know if she’ll even have me. But this isn’t about protecting the human I hope to make my mate.” I look around at the council members who have taken human mates—King Zander, Master Seke, Doctor Daneth, Captain Rok. “It’s not about protecting one human on Zandia. It’s about protecting all of our mates. All humans we harbor here. Humans who have contributed greatly to our planet.”

  “It’s also possible our refusal to send her sets off a conflict that endangers all humans on our planet.”

  “No.” Taisha steps forward, chin held high. “I will not endanger the other humans on this planet. I will turn myself in and tell them I was working alone, without aid from Zandia.” She bows her head. “You do not need to force me or convince me. I will go willingly.”

  “No. I won’t allow it.” The words are out before the king, or anyone else can speak. My voice catches. “You have already sacrificed enough for Zandia.”

  I stride across the room and take her hand into mine. Stars, it’s so cold.

  To my great relief, she doesn’t pull away.

  I turn to King Zander. “My lord, please. We must not send her back. I say this as a judicial expert, a warrior with experience in the field, and with my… my gut.” I shake my head. “I know it with my head and my heart, my lord. If we give her back”— I clench a fist—“and I’m not saying this purely out of selfish emotion, but if we give her back, it will only open the floodgates to our demise. They will see us as weak and malleable. Ones who may be governed by fear and led by their whims.”